Thought I would do a more indepth post about the Three days of my fast.
February 1 - Today is day one of my fast. I wanted to do a beginning weigh in/measurements and I am pleased to say that those 2lbs that I reported as lost on the 29th are still missing! I will not be putting their picture on a milk carton though! Ha ha! I also had an inch down in 2 places. Not that this fast is necessarily about weight loss, as I mentioned before it's about my overall health, physically, Spiritually, emotionally.
I am asking God to "take back your temple".
Bridge & I are going on our walk early so that she can go do interny things at the theatre this afternoon. I'm actually looking forward to being alone for a little while so that I have a quiet "quiet time"!
It's been a good first day so far. My blood sugar has been good, so no concerns there at this point. I've been reading & journaling (in my actual journal, not here on the computer). And while it's been informative and encouraging, I don't think I'm getting down to the nitty gritty of things yet.
One thing that I came across in my reading was a comparison between conviction and condemnation that I thought was eye-opening…
Conviction says: Hey, you're going in the wrong direction, here's a better way. Conviction carries HOPE.
Condemnation says: You're bad and you will always be this way. Condemnation carries HOPELESSNESS.
But Romans 8:1-4 says: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering . And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.
So it's now 8:30pm I've successfully managed to get through today's meals...without eating, only drinking water and 2 cups of V8 Fusion juice. I've been checking my blood sugar, and it's been really good all day. Although I have been secretly hoping that it would go low enough to give me an excuse to eat something, but that hasn't happened. I guess that's a good thing :) I do have a slight headache though.
February 2 - Here I am, Day 2. I have feeling this may be a harder day to get through. I still have my little headache (may need to take something for that). Bridgette should be home all day, but will probably be doing stuff in her room. I really need to do some serious praying today.
It's noon time now...and I just had a time of prayer & worship with God...one thing that was worked out, something I wasn't expecting, was my feelings about choosing not to be with my mom during her last hours, four years ago. How I felt guilty in a way for selfishly not being there, because I didn't want to watch her die...and felt that I had somehow let her down by not being there. I don't know and don't really believe that she was even aware of things because of the morphine, but my fear was that if she was aware, that she was sad or afraid or just wondered why I wasn't there. I am grateful that Rebecca (our pastor's daughter) did stay with her, but I have felt guilty that it was someone outside our family who stayed with her. During my prayer today, I asked for forgiveness, whether it was needed or not, and asked that God would take the burden of these thoughts from me. I can't go back and change things, they are what they are...and I'm not sure that I would do anything differently if I could. I will just hang on to the knowledge that she is at peace now, and cling to the hope that I will see her (and my dad) again someday. I am feeling at peace about it...I think I have released the burden to God. I pray that should those thoughts ever resurface, that I will remember that it's been taken care of, and it's not my burden any longer. I have cast this care on the Lord and he will sustain me.
I also wanted to share the email blessing from Susie Larson I received today...so fitting for this time:
May new and fresh hope suddenly arise within you! May the enemy's plan against you backfire as you grow stronger in your trials, not weaker. May your sturdy grasp of God's promises intimidate the enemy and make him lose heart! May you find JOY in the heat of the battle, POWER in the promises of God, and PROVISION where you've known lack. May the things you once knew of God pale in comparison to what you know of Him now. He makes all things new. He breaks through. And He will come through for you. Soldier on, mighty one! God is with you!
As well as the verse of the day…1 Corinthians 2:9 However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived”— the things God has prepared for those who love him
I am so thankful that God makes all things new...I need to be made new, continually! I love the end of the blessing…"Soldier on, mighty one! God is with you!" that's a pep talk right there! I am looking forward to all the wonderful, inconceivable things that God has prepared for me!
I came across this and thought it was interesting...and something to remember when I get stressed about my health or anything really...
It's now close to supper time...or what would be supper time if I were eating. Anyway, I was re-calculating the 48 hours this afternoon, cause I was originally thinking the time would be up tomorrow night at midnight, but I was wrong and it's actually up tonight at midnight. (eh...me & math :P ) SO...I will be done sooner than expected. I'm not sure that I accomplished all that I wanted to accomplish during this time, but that's okay. It was a boost, at any rate and I will hopefully continue to make good progress. I don't know if I necessarily received the answers I was looking for, but I certainly learned some things and was reminded of others, so I will say that it was successful.
I am hungry though, that's for sure, and I am looking forward to breaking my fast! But, my goodness supper sure smells good :( And, ugh the sounds of people eating is making me want to run away...Lord, help me make it through the next few minutes until they are done.
What I haven't done so great with is staying off facebook. Monday was better than today, I really think if I ever want to do a successful facebook fast I would need to deactivate my account for a while. Unfortunately, because I am responsible for posting church things on their facebook page, this isn't something that I could really do. So I will need to think about this more and really rely on God's strength if I were to fast facebook.
February 3 - As I was going to do my quiet time (scripture writing/prayer) I revisited yesterday's verse for prayer. February's prayer topic is regarding husbands...and this particular verse was in reference to harmony (or unity as it is in the NIV). Here is the verse from Roman's 15:5-6…
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
And clearly the point of this passage is indeed unity (harmony). But the thing that stood out to me...really jumped off the page for me was "the God who give endurance and encouragement…" Those two words for me go together right now, it's what I am desiring - that I would be able to endure (keep going even though it's hard work) and that it wouldn't be without encouragement. There is nothing worse (relatively speaking) than feeling like you are putting a bunch of effort into being healthy & losing weight and getting nowhere.
Today I am encouraged because I endured the 48 hour fast and lost 3lbs! I am so thankful to God for the boost! I pray that God will continue to give me endurance for this long road ahead, and that he would bless me with some encouraging milestones. I am asking for his blessing and favor to not only get back to where I was last June, but to continue beyond that! I want to finish this race and win the prize!
Finally, I will close out this special fasting portion of my New Year - New Hope journal with today's email blessing from Susie Larson:
When you come to the edges of yourself and you feel the limits of your love and your generosity...instead of despair, just whisper a prayer to the God who loves you. He'll do through you, what you cannot do for yourself. He never rolls His eyes or breathes a heavy sigh when He looks at you. May you--right in the midst of your limits--look to Jesus who intends to finish what He started in you. Walk freely today, knowing you (like the rest of us) are a work in progress. And you get to be; without the condemnation. Blessings on your day this day